


I'm Not Always the Bad Guy

by Atypical_Ty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Abused Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt Thomas Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Past Abuse, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, We love our boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24768205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atypical_Ty/pseuds/Atypical_Ty
Summary: BANGBANGBANGCrying, screaming, red, red everywhere"A-Anxiety?"I look terrified at the voice."Thomas, I'm sorry, please. Thomas I'm so so-sorry."
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	1. The Incident

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This book will be discussing sensitive and triggering topics. I am not an expert in these topics so if there are discrepancies then please feel free to point them out. 
> 
> Triggering topics may include but are not limited to: Suicidal thoughts, Abuse, Cursing, Violence, Blood, Suicidal actions, Bullying, Mental disorder/illness, and others that have yet to be named. 
> 
> If any of that triggers you please don't read for the safety of yourself
> 
> Feel free to tell me any mistakes you find and things I could add to the story. I wrote this on my phone and I am dyslexic as all get out.
> 
> I am sorry if this is triggering to some readers, but some of these events were highly influenced by my childhood. Sorry if any of you are offended by this story.
> 
> This story was written before Deceit and before the names were even released and before the video accepting anxiety. I changed their 'names' to their names later. (I don't know if that makes sense.)
> 
> These characters are not mine they belong to the brilliant mind of Thomas Sanders and the cover art is not mine either. All rights go to there respected peoples, places, and thing-a-muh-whats-its, and let's get started.

Virgil POV

BANG

BANG

BANG

Crying, screaming, red, red everywhere

"A-Anxiety?"

I look terrified at the voice.

"Thomas, I'm sorry, please. Thomas I'm so so-sorry."

Not again, I wake up and uncurl myself from my tangled ebony sheets. I reach a hand up to my face wiping away small tear tracks. I've been a bawling shaking mess since that day, I've had nightmares every night since then and being the literal embodiment of anxiety I see all the possible ways it could've gone worse. My stomach growls, I haven't left my room for three weeks, all of the others are trying to help Thomas settle down, I can feel it, he should be better anyways, especially without me there.

My stomach grumbles again, I untangle myself from the bed and head to check myself in the mirror hanging over my desk. I can't let the others see me like this. My hair is matted, my eyes are red, and I'm still shaking from the "dream" I had. I do my best to fix my self up some, brushing my hair, some white foundation, and a bit of smudged eyeshadow. Slowly I make my way to the kitchen. As I walk I check my phone and see that it is 2 in the morning I groan a little and continue walking. Once I get to the kitchen I notice some leftover cookies and sandwiches on the counter. I grab a plate of cookies and a sandwich. I am about to head back to my roomwhen I see Logan blocking my way out with hatred lacing his features.

"Anxiety how could you do this to Thomas!" he screams "You are one of his personalities our one goal is to protect him but it seems as though all you do is cause him to suffer! You insufferable, pathetic, useless, f-f-freak! You don't belong here and you never will, you should just go kill yourself because I know we would be better off if you never existed at all!" Logan screams I just look down and nod, I agreeing with everything he says, I am a useless, pathetic, freak that Thomas would be better off without.

"As usual Logan you're right." I say with as little emotion as I can, as tears threaten to spill once more. Logan comes towards me raises his hand and slaps me.

"Shut up, you need to pay for what you've done to him." he pulls me up and drags me by my arm to his room.

\------2 hours later-------

I leave Logan's room and painfully limp towards my own when I bump into someone, I fall back landing straight on my rear end. With a pained hiss I look up to scowl at the person who bumped into me but I am met by a hand, I follow it to neat white cloths and a crisp red sash.

"Are you okay my chemically unbalanced romance?" Prince asked... worried? No, couldn't be, probably just trying to keep up his princely persona. yeah why would princey be worried about you? He hates you.

"I'm fine princey." I wince as I try to get up without his help. He looks at me with a sad look in his eyes that disappears rather quickly.

"Okay, sorry, bye bye Verge." he says as he walks away in his normal cheerful mood. I continue limping towards my room and just hoping I don't have another nightmare when I go back to bed.


	2. The Assumption

~The previous night~

Logan POV

It was midnight and I was in charge of watching Thomas and to help him if he had any nightmares. He was talking in his sleep with a frightened expression on his face I was about to wake him up when he said something that interested me.

"Help me... Please... Anxiety why... Somebody help... hurt... please..." Anxiety. He caused this? Why? He just loves to hurt Thomas, doesn't he. I will teach him a lesson next time I see him.

\-------Current Time----------

Roman POV

I was walking back from the lounge to my room to catch up on beauty sleep when I received a notification for a new Disney app I had downloaded on my phone, as I was checking it I accidentally ran into someone. I look down to see Virgil with a pained expression on his face.

"Are you okay my chemically imbalanced romance?" I ask offering my hand to help him up. He looks up at me and I catch a better glimpse of his face. Are those bruises?

"I'm fine princey." He states, wincing as he stands.

I try my best to put a smile on my face and act normal. Who would do this to one of our own, let alone the youngest out of us?

"Okay, sorry, bye bye Verge." I say in a forcibly cheerful way (thankfully he doesn't seem to notice) and walk to my room with a lot of questions on my mind.

Virgil POV

I curl up in my bed and try to block out all of the bad thoughts, but I lose as always. I'm the literal embodiment of Thomas's negative emotions and thoughts. I. Am. Anxiety. And nothing will ever change that.

I curl up more and end up falling asleep.

"Thomas, watch out!" I yell and jump in front of him.

BANG

BANG

BANG

I trip knocking Thomas over as well.

Crying, screaming, red, red everywhere

I wake up screaming, crying, and not being able to breathe all at the same time. I was curled into a tight ball my screams died out and turned to just sobbing. I hear the door open and see three figures. They're going to hurt me. "I don't want hurt. Please. No hur-"

Darkness.

\------------------------

Roman POV

We were all in the commons except Virgil, he never comes here, not for too long at least. Logan was reading the newspaper while Patton and I were watching The Little Mermaid.

"Did you hear that pandas have moved down the endangered list?" Logan asks reading the newspaper.

"Sounds like a real panda-emic." Patton says with a bright smile. Logan is about to reply when we hear terrified screaming coming from down the hallway we all look at each other and rush towards the noise stops after a while but we already know where it came from.

We stop running once we reach a pitch-black door. We open it and see Virgil curled up in a tangle of bedsheets sobbing. He looked up at us, he looked so fragile and afraid. His small frame racked with sobs and was coated in bruises."I don't want hurt. Please. No hur-" he says in a small whimper. He went limp and his eyes fluttered shut. Patton and I rushed over to him while Logan just stood there looking shocked.


	3. The Hero

Virgil POV

I wake up in an unfamiliar room, with bright lights. I try to sit up instantly regretting it. My head feels like it's going to explode. I look around and realize that I'm in the commons, wait the commons I never fall asleep in the commons. Everything that happened comes back in a blur. I lay back down to calm my head down a bit. I hear someone open the door and I pretend to sleep, I was in no condition to deal with people let alone personalities.

"Anxiety? Are you awake?" it was Princey, Why would he want to talk to me? "What happened to you?" I feel him grab my hand rubbing his thumb on the back of it. What is he talking about? "Who would do this to you?" I feel him move his hands to my face tracing a rather painful black eye I had gotten from Logan a while back, I try to contain a wince and only succeed halfway, he pulls his hand back immediately. "This will never happen to you again, I promise." and with that, he leaves. You shouldn't make a promise you can't keep, even you should know that Ro-princey.

I curl up and accidentally fall asleep again.

~Dream~

"Logan, what are you doing?" I ask terrified.

"Anxiety, don't you know logic will always beat anxiety, I need to suppress you or else Thomas will be miserable." he raises his fist and begins hitting and kicking

"What did I do wrong? Logan please it hurts!" I cry

"You want to know what you did wrong, you were created and you will never belong here." he scoffs as he walks out leaving me in my room sobbing.

~End of Dream~

I wake up to someone gently shaking me as I'm crying. I sit up and grab the person and pull them into a hug clinging to them like a life-line, they hug back, tracing soothing circles on my back.

"Shh, there there, breathe, there you go. In and out in and out" it was Princey but I didn't care. I clung to him tightly, it felt nice, and he was so warm. After a few minutes, I finally calmed down. He looks down at me (with me still clinging to him) "Do you want to talk about it?" I grip tighter and shake my head no. "Ok you don't have to, but if you ever want to I'll be there to listen, ok?" I nod. "Alright, you want me to walk you back to your room?" I nod again letting go.

Roman POV

I carefully help him off the couch and to his room, the whole time him not letting go of my hand of me or saying a word to me until we got to his door. He lets go shakily and looks up, he looks so frightened.

"Thanks, Roman." he immediately turns his attention back to the floor. I pull him into a quick hug, he hugs back, soon he releases and closes his door so I turn and head back to my own room.

He called me Roman, why?


	4. The Lost

Thomas POV

I haven't heard from Anxiety since the incident. The others say they haven't heard anything from him, they looked relieved at that. I'm still kind of worried about him with what happened, all of a sudden he pops out of nowhere in his usual spot on the stairs.

"Yes Thomas?" he asks more timid than normal.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to summon you, I just got really worried." I say realizing what must have happened. I hope he's not mad.

"Oh okay, is it okay if I stay out here with you for a while." He looks down refusing to meet my eyes. He seems off.

"Yeah, sure." I say smiling gesturing towards the couch. Probably just my imagination.

We turn on the tv and watch some cartoons eventually falling asleep (after 5 hours of Steven Universe of course.)

Roman POV

I go to check up on Anxiety to see if he's doing better than earlier and to see if he wants to discuss that dream. I don't think I've ever seen him that scared in my life. What could possibly make him that scared?

I knock on the door and get no answer so I peek in to see if he had maybe fallen asleep. His bed is empty. He's probably just wandering around. I go to the commons and see Patten in his chair on his laptop.

"Hello, Patton." I greet him walking towards his chair. He looks up with a big grin.

"Oh hello, Roman, what brings you here kiddo?" He asks closing his laptop.

"I was looking for Virgil, have you seen him by any chance?" He shakes his head with a small shrug.

"Can't say I have kiddo, sorry. I'll tell him you're looking for him if I do though." I smile and nod.

"Thanks, oh one more thing do you know where Logan is, I'm going to ask him too."

"Yeah he said he was going to do some planning for Thomas's schedule or something like that." he says smiling.

"Okay, thanks Patton." I say heading off for Logan's room.

\--------In Logan's room--------

Logan POV

Knock knock knock

"Come in." I half yell not looking up from my papers. I hear the door creak open as I finish the sentence, peeking up I watch Roman enter. Slightly puzzled to why he is here.

"Hello Logan." he smiles brightly coming over and sitting on my bed with me.

"Hello Roman, what do you need assistance with?" I ask as politely as possible.

"I was wondering if you have seen Virgil anywhere." he fidgets looking a little concerned.

"No, why?" I ask annoyed. What could he have possibly done this time, he always gets into trouble and then we have to fix it.

"Oh okay, it's just I can't seem to find him anywhere in the mind space." he says smiling forcefully.

"If you're that worried go see if Thomas will summon him. Patton and I will search around here." I state He smiles nodding and walks out of the room.

"Thanks, bye Logan." he says running down the hall.


	5. The News

Thomas POV

~Flashback~

"Come on, it's shortcut." I smile grabbing Anxietys hand dragging him behind me into an alley.

"I don't know Thomas, something doesn't feel right." he looks around almost looking scared.

"Oh come on. Lets go we'll be fine." I ignore his nervous glances. We walk down the alley a bit when suddenly someone jumps out of the shadows and pulls out a metal object pointing it at us.

"Hand over all your cash, now!" he said shaking his weapon at us. Anxiety an I looked at each other, neither one of us had brought our wallets.

"Fine, you leave me no choice." he states aiming the weapon at me, he pulled the trigger.

"Thomas, watch out!" I see a blur.

BANG

BANG

BANG

Thud

I look down and see Anxiety laying there with a puddle of blood surrounding him. I instantly drop to my knees and cover his wounds, all 3 shots went in his shoulder. "Help! Please help! Anxiety, you're going to be okay. Help! Somebody help! Please!

~End~

I wake up gasping, Anxiety bolts upright about the same time breathing just as ragged as mine. We look for the source of the sound. It was just the tv, somehow it was changed to the news. "It was just the tv." I say out loud not sure if I was trying to convince myself or Anxiety. I hear something move next to us. I whip my head in the direction of the noise and see three familiar figures sitting on the couch next to us looking at us with worry and guilt heavy on their features. It's just Roman, Logan, and Patton. I look back towards Anxiety he still looks terrified, suddenly he gets up and rushes upstairs. Roman raced up the stairs after him, Patton scooted closer to me and started to rub soothing circles on my back, and Logan left the room.

\-------A Few Minutes Earlier-------

Roman POV

I left the mind space to see if Thomas knew where Anxiety is but was met with the sight of him laying down, asleep, cuddling with said personality on the couch. I text the others that I found him and sent Patton a photo. They showed up rather quickly, Patton looked like he was about to burst and Logan looked like he only came along to make sure Patton would stay under control. We look at the tv and notice an announcement from the news was on. We sit down and decide to see what it was all about, carefully as to not wake them up.

"3 weeks ago at approximately 10:00 pm, two civilians were nearly killed in a downtown alley shooting. An anonymous bystander has recently brought in a video of the conflict that they recorded on their cellular device."

They proceeded to play the video.

"Hand over all your cash, now!" he was holding a gun aimed at two individuals. The two stayed silent. "Fine, you leave me no choice." he fires the gun as the darker dressed individual jumped in front of the other. With an audible, "Thomas, watch out!"

BANG

BANG

BANG

"It's Anxiety and Thomas, Virgil got shot." Patton sounded so... defeated.


	6. The Humbled

Roman POV

"It's Anxiety and Thomas, Virgil got shot." Patton sounded so... defeated. He had his head in his hands, he sounded ready to cry. "Didn't he? He got shot trying to save Thomas; and he never told any of us." Logan looked horrified and guilty. I pretty sure I didn't look much better we all blamed him for the mood Thomas was in. I brushed a hand through my hair and let out a sigh.

Both Thomas and Anxiety bolted upright their breathing coming in short, ragged gasps. We froze. They both look at the tv and sighed, "It was just the tv." Thomas manages to say weakly between breaths. They relax and looked relieved. Logan shifts on the couch, they both jump and whip their heads in our direction, Thomas seems to calm down after realizing it was us but Anxiety looked even more frightened when he realized that we were there, then he abruptly got up and ran upstairs. I follow him up the stairs and into Thomas's room. Anxiety shut the door before I could reach it.

"Virgil, please open the door." I say as 'Morality-like' as possible. I listen closely for an answer and hear muffled movements.

"No, go away, go help Thomas, please leave." he says softly.

"We all saw what you did for Thomas, why didn't you tell us?" I ask, I can hear more movement then the door opens a little. He peaks out through the crack.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you." he says sadly refusing to make eye contact. I pull his chin up so he has to look at me.

"Please, I need to know. I won't even tell the others if that's what you want." he looks up with pleading eyes.

"Promise?" he asks a sliver of hope and innocence in his voice.

"Promise." I say softly. He steps to the side and opens the door farther. We take a seat on the bed.

"C-can I see them?" I ask after a while he slowly shrugs off his hoodie and removes his shirt to reveal bruises, scars, and a blood-soaked bandage wrapped around his shoulder and chest for support, he looks at me.

"C-can you help me get this o-off, I n-needed to change them anyway." I nod, too shocked to say anything, and scoot to him. I gently start removing the bandages. I cautiously take them off and I can tell no matter how careful I am it hurts him. It's bloody and the wounds look infected.

"Thanks, Roman." he says quietly. I walk to the bathroom and grab fresh bandages and a cloth to wipe off the blood.

"No problem." I say smiling "One question though." I say putting the supplies down next to him.

"What?" he down at his hands.

"Why didn't you tell any of us, I mean Patton could have stitched up the wound in your shoulder or Logan could have, he knows a lot about medicine and other doctor things." he visually tenses at Logic's name.

"You guys needed to focus on Thomas, he's more important, and I-I was scared t-to- I w-was afraid of- I-I knew you a-and Patton wouldn't b-but- Logan-" He speaks quickly spitting Logan's name like poison.

"What about Logan?" I scooch closer. Virgil looks at the floor with a terrified look in his eyes. "What did he do to you" I carefully grasp one of his hands in mine

"You wouldn't understand." he pulls his hand away and grabs his shirt putting it on in one quick move.

"But I can try to, please Virgil." I look at, him with pleading eyes.

"Okay," he says only glancing up at me for a second.


	7. The Villian

Virgil POV

"Okay." I look at him and then quickly look back down at my hands. "It all started a few days after I was created."

~Flashback~

"Anxiety what are you doing! Thomas is in full panic mode, what did you do!" Logan yelled cornering me in the common room.

"I-I don't know what h-happened, I-I swear." I say in a small voice. I had only been here for a few days and I am already getting yelled at.

"You need to be taught a lesson, come with me." he grabbed the hood on my sweatshirt and pulled me down the hallway and into his room.

"You no good freak!" He spat "You came here and ruined everything! Do you even help Thomas?" Logic throws me up against a wall grabbing my wrists.

"I don't know." I say biting my lip from the pain of my wrists as he grips tighter.

"You don't help, you are a useless asset to him." he grips tighter.

"Stop, please, this hurts." I say struggling.

He gets an evil smirk and throws me onto the floor.

"You thought that hurts, you need to learn a lesson." he walks over and kicks me in the stomach, then the ribs, then the head then just one blur after another and flashes of pain.

~End Flashback~

Prince reaches up and wipes tears from my eyes that I hadn't realized were forming. Roman pulls me into a hug and I cry on his shirt making a wet spot on his sash, he hugs me tighter, we stay like that for a while until he pulls away.

"Why didn't you tell m-us?" he asks worriedly.

"Logan told me not to bother you guys, and you all needed to focus on Thomas, he's more important, I knew I would be fine." I look down regretting that I told him any of that. "J-just don't tell Dad it would tear him up to know his 'kids' are fighting." I say with a hollow chuckle.

"Virgil, please, I'm sorry I never noticed, I'm so sorry." he pulls me into another hug.

I give him a peck on the cheek, "It's okay, thanks, Roman." I say softly hugging him back, for once with a genuine smile on my face.


	8. The End

Patton POV

I move to comfort Thomas while Roman runs after Virgil.

"What happened to you guys?" I ask in a soft voice. He looks at me startled by the question.

"H-he told me not to... He told me not to, but I did anyway." he mumbles looking down again. "He said 'don't go down there, I have a bad feeling' but I didn't listen. I'm sorry." Logan runs off looking like he might be sick while I rub circles on Thomas's back.

"No, you didn't know what would happen, no one could have known what was going to happen." I try to calm him. He stands up abruptly turning towards me.

"Patton, he got shot because of me! It's all my fault!" he looks down at his feet. "It's all my fault. Virgil is hurt and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry." he collapses down to the floor crying, I quickly jump off the couch and pull him into a hug letting him cry on my shoulder. "It's all my fault. He could have died. Patton, he could have died."

"He's okay. It's going to be okay."

~~~~~~1 Week Later~~~~~~~

Logan POV

We have been taking things slowly we reassuring all of Thomas's worried fans, learning triggers, helping Thomas and Virgil through nightmares, and changing Virgils bandages. Roman finally admitted his feelings to Virgil and now they're dating. Right now we are all watching Cinderella on Thomas's couch.

"Hey, Logan?" Virgil looks over at me. "Can I talk to you for a bit?" I was taken aback by his request but nodded.

"Sure." we get up and he leads me towards the kitchen. "What did you want to talk about?" I ask leaning against the counter.

"I just wanted you to know that I don't blame you... For what you did." he states calmly sitting on the counter nearby.

"About that, I'm sorry it was wrong of me to abuse my power like that and use it to hurt you, I don't think I can forgive myself for that." I look at him, he hops off the counter and comes to stand right in front of me looking ready to slap me himself, he makes a swift movement with his arms and... Hugs me? After a confused moment, I hug back.

"Aww, now wasn't that cute." we push away from each other and glared at the three people in the doorway but not before a camera flashes.

Patton runs off holding his phone triumphantly. "Patton I'm going to kill you! Delete it!" Virgil laughs running after him. Thomas runs over to assist Patton.

"Hey Logan?" I look at Roman who is now facing the other three a soft smile on his lips. "If you ever hurt my dark prince again, dragon-witches might not be the only thing I slay. Okay?" I nod and stand next to him.

"I'm sorry about that and don't worry he's family."I say watching the others a smile tugging at my lips too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, you all are amazing. I love reading your guy's comments and seeing how much you all get into this. Once again thank you guys, and have a wonderful day.  
> Bye bye~


End file.
